IM NOT A LESBIAN I SWEAR

Its cold today. I actually havent left the apt but i attempted having a cigarette and when i opened the window i nearly fell over. I like it though. Maybe its just because this is my first winter but it isn't nearly as awful as ppl say it is. Its refreshing and nice.

Anyways, aside from the fact that my upstairs neighbors play the same song on repeat all day long, my life has been pretty mellow. Last Night Dave and I went to franklin park- the best stinking bar in the world. It was opened last year but looks like its been there for decades. Its so classy and sleek and old time looking.  I think they even used old broken down seats and bar stools so it wouldnt feel like a new joint. The best part about it is that it is litteraly located in between two apt buildings on a random side street in crown heights. Super cute and grungy but not in a hip cool way you know? Its like, when you are there you wanna ask all of these ppl how they even know about the place. Its def my new fave brooklyn Romance.

    Dave and i drank Brooklyn lager and talked about current events. I have to admit its strange meeting a guy friend for a drink bc you feel like everyone assumes you are like together you know? and picturing me and dave in that way is so awk! i hate when ppl say this but its like a brother sister situation. eewwww,

   None the less, i still managed to get wasted and fall in love. His name was- um i actually dont remember what his name was- but it was something hot. He LITTERALLY a mexican greaser with tattos. How weird is that? I just wrote in my jeffrey campbell personal ad that i was seeking a mexican greaser with tattoos~ anyways. I guess it really doesnt matter. I sat there at the bar swaying back and forth staring at him and listening to him talk about MEXICO (hes from there but has been here ten years)

me- YAHHHH towtally! yaahhhh, i know what you mean

him- You know, eees like, Mexico ees such a sad countreey these days. No money, no morals. Ah...but i love my country. ive been here for ten years now? yes ten and ees like i like eet her but chou know. I have my job here and my........

me- YAAAH no totally i totally know what you mean.

oh god! its so funny how i fall in love so easily. Like ill see somebody on the subway and be convinced that they are themost beautiful person in the world and that id do anything to talk to them. like, "oh that homeless person pissing himself over there is so hot. god i wish hed talk to me. His beard is so dreamy!" why? why cant i just be picky? 

YES! go drunk bridgette. Anyways it was time for me to walk the drunk walk home and try not to get hit by cars along the way. I left my love at the bar and nothing came of it. I did however find out where he works. I might just stop by and stalk him a little? thats normal right?

as for other loves? i feel funny talking about it bc what if ppl actually read this thing and it gets around and somehow he finds out and then thinks im a freek. well ill reveal a smal bit- i have a new crush. actually? thats all im revealing. New crush fun times.

A few months back a good friend of mine and i were partying in williamsburg (silverlake of brooklyn) and having discussion after discussion about why boys SUCK. I had just seen beach house with a friend from work (which felt like a lesbian date by the way) and was still buzzing over there performance (drunkenly and musically) I was fired up. Giving advice right and left...ranting and raving....just basically being AWESOME.

then, guys, guess what we did? just guess

Friend- "thats it bridgette. we are lesbians now. Lets find a lesbian bar and ill pay for a cab and were going to find girlfriends. "

Me- "oh my god thats the best idea ever!"

We hop in a cab, pay 22 dollars at 4am to book it to the meat packing industry, and arrive only to discover that we have been dropped off on the wrong street and that iphones apparently dont work on the west side. Yes. thats what being sober will do for ya.

So its late, even for new york, but we are still determined. we were all like " were not going to let this stop us! We will find lesbian lovers we will! boys suck! eff em" An hour later after 10 blocks of straght up confusion and stumbeling, we fianlly find a bar. Maybe it dont have no rainbow flag on top but it is a place that serves alchihol. 

Its five, im spending rent money on whiskey cokes, and were pissed.Not only were there no lesbians in sight but we were at an over priced west side yuppy spot surrounded by coked out stock brokers and their lame ass business suits (dont get me wrong, i dont dislike these ppl its just tha when your wasted and all of the sudden find out that youre into girls this isnt exactly what you want to find.)

"ooooh girl, hay girl hay, I was workin all up in the ups store and shit and this cute guy came in and shit. ooooh girlll he was smoking hot"

her false nails tipped with dollar bill signs were waving franticly back in forth through the air. Her monroe lip piercing was moving in and out of herface twinkleing across the dim lit pool hall. Roots showing, adams apple protruding, and midriff revealed. She is Connie...our new found trannie.

Not only did she have a fellow trannie friend named "Maddie Party Girl", no that wasnt enough. I would have been just fine with that. But no, she just HAD to be from jersey and have an amazing NJ accent. It was beyond what two girls could ask for.

We looked at eachother and just KNEW it. We had to make them our friends. we head over to sit at a table next to them. awkward and creepy as heck. after minutes of trying to make ourselves known we finallly catch their attention and say "hiiii"

One thing led to another and within minutes we were making girls night out plans and doing britney spears dances and smoking cigarettes on the sidewalk. Numbers were exchanged and plans were made. Its offical, we were now obsessed with connie and maddie.

Sad to say its been months and no hangouts have ocurred. I guess thats the perfect way for things to turn out. Just even having the pleasure of meeting them was enough for me. Ah the whole world should be jealous.

Please enjoy the pics i posted. Hopefully my cam will be up and running soon and more pics will be up. Until next time-keep it real

Found on Missed connections- New York City-

EVERY LITTLE THING

Brooklyn. Just saying the word Brooklyn makes me hungry. Hearing the word rolling off of somebody's tounge over and over again in my mind sends me into fits of just...i dont know. Fits of amazingness. Everything about the dang bourough drives me wild. I am madly wildly head over heels in love with Brooklyn. I get tingly when i think about it. It makes my whole body feel good. It makes my whole being collapse with satisfaction at night as i lay in my tiny twin bed and just absorb it all. Mentally, physically, emotionally...

Everything about it in winter time is romantic. I dont even know what that really means, i just know its true. The sound of ice crunching under my shoes on the sidewalk is romantic. The endless jungles of bricks and limestone and broken pavement are romantic. The culture is romantic. Eastern parkway and its endless stretch of brick road and snowy topped trees is fucking romantic. Seeing the city sparkeling behind me as i ride in a taxi over the Manhattan bridge into BK is romantic. No! fuck that- its zexy. Erotic even. Ya, even that broken window that is patched up with duck tape and a trash bag is romantic. 

But enough of me attempting to be poetic. Lets get down and dirty and talk about current events. 

First things first- CROWN HEIGHTS. I live in this amazing part of brooklyn called crown heights. It is considered to be in the south eastern part of Brooklyn. about 2 miles away from the island and parallel with the manhattan bridge. Its streets consist of a mixture between blacks and hasidic jews. (sorry political correctness, i just cant be you right now) I litteraly live at the deviding point btw the two on a street called Union. To the right of my bld is the million dollar jewish mansions and to the left of me is the, well, ghettoness?

But theres something different about this type of ghetto. Its a friendly ghetto. Its the type of ghetto where when im walking down the street with my blonde curly hair and hammitt bag nobody thinks twice. nobody snickers or stares and calls me little white girl. Im sorry, i have to be honest...but i am not used to this. I am used to feeling like an outcast in this type of setting.  I think they see me and just thing, "oh no big deal just another dumb white bitch moving in to my hood. Were used to it" Lucky for me it might also be due to the fact that they probably think im just another  hasidic woman walking home to my husband with his top hat and my children with their sideburn curls.

Its almost like poetry walking in my neighborhood. It is a beautiful beautiful area. All of the buildings are brownstones and all of the businesses are small and family owned. It is drenched in the scent of fried chicken and laundry soap, and covered with yellow glowing lamp posts and dead winter trees. Its perfect. absolutely perfect.

    So what if it takes me 30 minutes to get to manhattan on the 5 train? No matter if i heard 7 gun shots the other night. And who cares if nobody bothers to shovle the snow off of the sidewalks? i wouldnt have it any other way. My rent is cheap and my  neighbors are friendly...thats all a girl could ask for really.

    Oh? what? who is the "cashman"? you ask? Lets see, how do i describe this? Hes a little boy named curtis that tags the entire neighborhood (including the door to our bldg) with a crown and dollar signs. No, not red man or method man or even super man...CASH MAN. The mysterious little gangster that could.

There are times when i miss Los Angeles. LA has its own type of mexican beachy romance as well. A feeling of warmth and nostalgia that i cant even put into words. Friends that i couldnt find anywhere else. Sunlight and salty air that is borderline orgasmic. But i feel that i have truly found my home for the next, i dont know, while? Brooklyn is home to me. At least until i get my next hairbrained idea and decide to move to Jackson Mississippi and spend a year on the river of course. wink>

Times were rough for a while. I spent a good week in bed crying and feeling sorry for myself. So depressed i couldnt even bare the thought of looking for another job. My hours were cut and i had lost a good deal of money going home to cali for christmas. My phone was turned off and ididnt even have money to ride the subay. I was lonely and sad and wanted so badly to just to move home.

I am happy to say however, that things have looked up. I now have abut seven random jobs that are semi paying my bills, and i am able to afford groceries again. Thanks to endless posi vibes I truly feel that things are turning around. My internship is going to start paying me, My restaurant is busy as ever, Steph Hammit has me running errands and getting paid for it, I might be a coat check girl at my friends bar, and i got paid 300 bucks for the photoshoot i did last week. Nothing too drastic, but just enough to keep up the good fight and make me realize that even when i find myself in times of trouble somehow everything works out. I have truly realzed that every little thing, is gunna be alright.

  Who could be sad when everyone and everything in life is so beautiful. I dont need no diamond rings. All i need is my jacket and a magical wonderful wintery walk down a snowy path in brooklyn. mmmm. yezzszz

HERE COMES YOUR MAN

                                                                       ZEXY AS FUK
                   WHITE BELLY, ONE SKATER SHOE, GREEN BOXERS, ETERNAL HAPPINESS
                                                                     LOVE STOCK
                                     (just a few images to remind me of where i came from)

Hello errrbody! I would like to officaly announce that the blog is back. Yes, its true, after 2 months of living in fear of blogging, I am finally back and ready to party. I have come to the ultimate realization that blogging is not a crime and is in fact a right. Yes, I made a few mistakes and mentioned some things that I shouldn't have mentioned and yes, I did loose a freekin sick ass internship over it; but all I can say is that I have learned. I have learned to watch what I say and to not take sh^& from anybody. Don't allow others to threaten you and take pride and confidence in everything you do. I have also been once again reassured that every little thing happens for a reason. If I hadn't been thrown out there in the real world without a job or any sense of the fashion industry in New York, I wouldn't have been forced to hit the pavement and find something new. If it weren't for loosing  position I wouldn't have discovered my sweet new gig.

Enough of that. Lets talk about 11:00 eastern time in Time Square on November 4 2008. After the heart wrenching 5 second countdown to the winner time stopped, I heard new york swallow, and the good news was told. A giant pic of obamskies was posted on all of the big screens on 42nd street. It was epic, monumental, astounding, historic. I felt as though I had witnessed a miracle and was in the most epic spot to be in for this very moment (did that make sense? )

After crazyness in the big city we decided to head over to good old Brooklyn. As soon as we stepped out of the subway we could hear taxis honking and ppl cheering. Brooklyn was fucking STOKED! 

Deria and I literally RAN over to freddie's bar on dean and 6th just in time to catch Obama's life altering speech. I walked in, saw 4 of my closes friends standing on booths in a crowd of about 2oo silently exxxstatic americans, and let out a sigh of releif and joy. With all attention to the screen, the entire bar was in tears of joy. We were witnessing history that night, a type of night that I may never get to experience again.

After the speech, the bartender turned off the tv, lowered the musica, and shouted "I MADE THIS MIX JUST IN CASE OBAMA WON TONIGHT. THIS IS MY OBAMA MIX MOTHA EFFAS!" Eeryone started cheering as Here comes your man by the Pixies blasted out of the bar speakers. America, fuck yeah!

Woke up today a lil bit hung overz and in a panic to get to my 1100 interview with a shoe designers assistant whose name I wont mention in order to protect my blogging rights. Lets call this "shoe company"  Zigs. So I get on the subway and head over to Zigs. (I had met Zigs assistant on halloween at a pizza place in Brooklyn who told me to email him incase I got fired from my cookie baking gig....oh god thats a whole other story! So, I did. I emailed him and he asked me to meet him at the showroom in midtown so we could grab a coffee and discuss possibility.

Possibilities were discussed and options were pondered. The deal would be I intern one day a week in exchange for some contacts, and the possibility of  a future with Zigs. FUCK YES dood. this is exactlly what i needed right now. Just when I was about to give up and go home, some how, some way, i met Zigs assistant who just happened to mention that he could use an intern and just the right moment. Im in heaven. Life is great. I dont want to die anymore!

So the deal is, I will most definately have to put in loads of hard work and totally start from zero. It wont really be like im starting from the bottom considering that it is such a small company, but it will take lots of time and lots of hard work to be successful. All I have to say to myself is YES I CAN, SI! CEST PUEDE! (sorry i dont speakedee espanol)

Hope you enjoyed the first blog back! Im going to try and make it as interesting as possible. Mabye get my camera going, hopefully get all artsy and post pics and all of that.

tune in next time for info on our buss rides through Manhattan. peace and carrots.